Regrets

In my early 20's I got a tattoo on my ankle. I've spent the last 2 years having treatments to remove it. The treatments are much more painful then the actual tattoo. It feels like a thousand little rubber bands snapping at you all at once. I remember when I originally went in for the tattoo, I thought it would be this awesome experience with the pilot and my friends with me. Nope, they left me to go out to lunch and I had it done by myself. It didn't really have any significance either. Over the years I thought about covering it up but I thought some day I'd be able to afford having it removed. Only took a little over 10 years but now its almost gone. I thought about getting another tattoo on my shoulder after all this and each time I go in for a treatment I'm reminded that I shouldn't.
I don't think I regret the original tattoo, at that time in my life its what I wanted. And luckily for me I can have it removed. This made me think about other things that have happened in my life. I don't think I'd want a picture perfect rosy life, how would I know what it was like to deal with hard times. How could I help people if I hadn't experienced anything bad? I think those difficult times are what makes us who we are and help us relate to others.

The Worst Year

2009 was the worst year of our lives and yet it taught me to appreciate every moment after that year. This morning we met with the director of the American Transplant Foundation and it was great to share our story with her. Sometimes in our day to day life I think we forget what happened. Not that we don't appreciate the outcome its just that life comes back. By now you're probably wondering what happened. July of 2009 the pilot's kidney function went from 95% to 18%. Once you go below 20% you automatically are put on the transplant list. At the end of July both his grandmothers had passed away within weeks of each other. He started hemodialysis and realized he wanted more control of his treatment. He transitioned to Peritoneal dialysis, however the week after the procedure he was in the hospital again for a blood clot in the leg and a pulmonary embolism. At the time all I knew was that he had a blood clot in his lung which is what a pulmonary embolism is, I didn't know people can die from this. I found out I was pregnant in September and had a miscarriage in October  We really thought our lives couldn't get worse. A close friend of ours tested to become a live donor. It took several months and we thought it wasn't going to happen. On February 8, 2010 my husband had a successful transplant. He truly is my miracle. 
During the entire time he was sick it was like I was holding my breath. I didn't want to cry because I had to be strong for him and our son. All I could do is stay positive and continue to smile and hope for the best. A couple days after the transplant I finally took a breath and couldn't stop crying. It was like I had been holding it all in for 7 months.  
This has been heavily on my mind since I quit my job. I've been trying to find a place or a way to share our story to encourage others. The average wait time for a kidney is 5 years. The pilot waited less than a year. I truly believe the hardships in our lives make us who we are, and that year I grew even closer to the pilot. I could've curled up in a ball and cried every night but that wasn't going to help anyone. I wanted to be that light and encouragement my family needed. And now I want to be able to encourage someone else who might be going through the same thing. After several months of thinking about this I contacted the American Transplant Foundation with our story. I received a call the next day to meet the director for coffee. I just sent in my application to volunteer. I believe I can make a difference and continue to remember how truly blessed our family is. 

If you'd like more information about this organization please visit their website at
www.americantransplantfoundation.org

The Adventures of D-boy

This morning I was thinking about all the fun places we have gone with D-boy this year. In March we took a trip to Las Vegas. When we flew home D-boy told me he LOVED Las Vegas. Probably not for the same reasons as an adult but I was happy he had enjoyed his vacation. In April we went to Texas, he had a great time there as well. At the very beginning of the summer he went to disneyland with his grandparents and cousins. They were at the park from early in the morning to late in the evening for 4 days straight. In July we took a trip to New York, it was only for a day but I thought it was quite the adventure. We spent 3 hours at the Toys R Us in Times Square. It was crazy for me to think that the day before we were just sitting around the house. We went to Chicago in August where D-boy got to go to the beach, legoland, and the children's museum at Navy Pier. We took the train into the city which he really enjoyed.
Before his first day of school he was given an assignment to draw a picture of something fun he did during the summer. I was so excited, I was thinking about all these great places we had traveled and thought for sure he'd draw something amazing. And a little part of me wanted to brag about how great we were as parents to expand his horizons. All of this in one picture he could show his kindergarten teacher. Parents are great, check, D-boy is happy, check, parents to receive an award for parents of the year, check. I anxiously awaited the completion of this drawing. When he was done he showed me a picture of the park down the street. His drawing was quite detailed with all the slides, the grass, and even the parking lot. What?? The most fun he had during the summer was the park down the street?? Lesson learned, sometimes the most simple places can make us happy.

Happy Quote for today:
We are as happy as we make up our minds to be. -- Abraham Lincoln  We are as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln happiness is overlooked because it doesn't cost anything.

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Fake Nails

A couple months ago I tried fake nails. They were called pink & white, and I had them done very short. Basically a french manicure on fake nails. I thought since I didn't have to type for work anymore I'd give them a try. I only lasted for one rebase. They just weren't me, not that I don't think they look nice but even having a small part of myself be fake was bothersome. I thought I may be on the road to becoming a real housewife of my county. Next step, fake boobs, fake hair, fake tan, you get the idea. I don't think plastic surgery is a good idea for me, especially when I've experienced my husband have surgery for a life threatening illness. I've contemplated it in the past but once you sit in a waiting room hoping that everything is going to be ok,  it just seems silly to think I'd alter my appearance with surgery that is unnecessary. I think the true challenge is to like yourself, flaws and all.  I want to be known for being genuine and I'm ok if someone doesn't like me. I'm not going to be fake or pretend to be something I'm not.
Don't get me wrong I have days when I look in the mirror and wish I had the body of a cowboys cheerleader, but I don't. And yes it would be easier to see a doctor who could make my thighs smaller but who I am as a person isn't going to change. I will just have to alter my body the old fashion way, exercise. It takes longer and is much harder but it certainly is cheaper and less invasive.

On the road to nowhere

When D-boy started school on the second day he told me "Mommy, I know what God wants you to do", which he followed up with "He wants you to help people". As much as I'd like to think he received some sort of divine intervention on my behalf, the reason he told me this was because I helped a little boy find his classroom. The 1st grader had been sitting all by himself crying and not knowing where he was supposed to go. I think we all struggle with that big question "What is my purpose?" I know I have a family that I want to be here for and take care of, but I still have that part of me that doesn't know the answer to this question. It amazed me that my 5 year old could tell me so easily what my purpose could be, to help people. It was also a little overwhelming, what if God really does want me to help people, where do I start?
When I first quit work I thought I had to figure out what I was going to do with myself. Its been 4 months and I've managed to be busy the whole time. My little part of volunteering was taking the puppies in last week. But I haven't done much else. I do love that I walk my son to school daily and I don't have to drop him off at before or after school care. I love that I can go to a concert on a Wednesday night and not worry about getting up early the next day. I don't want to get lazy though. I do need to help people, I want my son and my husband to be proud of me.
On this crazy road of life, I hope one day I will know what my purpose is...

Last Will and Testament

Over the last several days we have been composing our last will and testament. It's strange to think about what would happened if you died. The big question was whether or not we wanted to be cremated. Also with all the insurance money we would leave behind if both of us were gone, trying to split that up among family members and a close friend of ours. We decided that D-boy would have his inheritance but not all at once. Its very specific about how much he would receive if he only graduates high school, if he graduates college, or if he goes to a trade school. It wasn't meant to be upsetting in any way, its just that we've seen too many stories where people win the lottery then they lose all the money within 10 years. I'm hoping we are teaching D-boy the basics on how to earn money, give money, save money and spend.
We bought a kit several months ago for D-boy. He has to do jobs to earn money, cleaning his room is $1, emptying the dish washer $1, putting his clothes away $1, you get the idea. At the end of the week he has a payday and a portion goes in his give envelope, save envelope and spend envelope. We went to a store where we saw a little boy throwing a fit because his mother would not buy him a pair of sunglasses. As D-boy and I walked out he told me "Mommy, I don't think he understands that you have to work to earn money to buy something you want". I was so excited that he had already learned this lesson in just a short time. Now when we go to the store he looks at toys but we don't buy them, he figures out what he needs to save to buy the items himself. He did ask me what jobs I'm doing to earn money. Now that I'm at home its not at easy to answer that question. I made oatmeal cookies the other night, since they were so yummy I should at least get $20. I also made dinner, nothing too fancy so I'll put it on the chore chart at $10. I folded the laundry and put the clothes away, maybe I should charge $5.
Last but not least I cleaned my bathroom which I hate doing, I think I should get a bonus...

THE CONCERT

Perfect for a happy wednesday. Tonight I'm going to the Train concert with a girlfriend. The pilot is staying home to watch D-boy and my friend's boys. He will have a fun evening watching all the boys run around. I saw Train in concert last year and they were amazing. Maroon 5 also played and I thought for sure they would be the headliner. But once we saw Train I understood why they were, they are amazing in concert. Which is surprising for me to say since I have a huge crush on Adam Levine. The pilot refers to Adam as my boyfriend. D-boy and I love watching The Voice together. If I could sing I would love for Adam to beg me to be on his team. Although I'm not sure I'd get anything done I'd be too busy drooling. So far I've gone to 2 concerts at this particular venue, I'd like to make it through the night without being sick. The first concert I was hungover from the night before and I thought taking a 5 hour energy drink was a good idea, lets just say I will never drink one of those again. A couple months ago I went and drank too much red wine. One minute I was dancing and the next I was laid out with a space blanket on top of me. We snuck in red wine in little boxes, I didn't even know they sold wine in juice boxes! My plan for this evening is to listen to the music, maybe have one drink, and enjoy the performance. I do have to add that music makes me happy.

Happy Quote for today:
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.  ~Robert Brault