Nice People

I would not consider myself a nice person. I can be kind and do things that are sweet for others. But being nice ALL the time is just too much work. And I don't trust people who are happy and nice all the time. At my last job I met someone that didn't talk about other people at all, I knew right then we could never be friends.  It just seems to me that at some point that happy, nice person has their moment when they are frustrated, upset or angry, but they hide that part of themselves. I'm better with people when they are themselves and not hiding that "other" side. I try to be sensitive and read people so that I'm not offensive but sometimes that smart ass in me just can't keep quiet. For example yesterday I was volunteering and the other person in the office said we should have Christmas music. She started to sing and my first response was "Please don't". I may have hurt her feelings and as I type this I'm thinking I'm a jerk, but I couldn't help it. I did laugh after I said it but I'm not sure that helped. Then I had to back pedal and say I wasn't accepted in the choir in 8th grade and I stopped singing. I suppose a small part of me felt bad.  Its better if I just stick to my friends and family who understand that sarcastic side of me. I blame my mom, she is worse than I am. The good thing is I'm confident enough to say it doesn't hurt my feelings if you don't like me. I don't need to be friends with everyone. So if you are offended, you were warned at the beginning that I'm not a nice person ;-)

Christmas Giving

A couple weeks ago I received an email from my friend stating she had everything she needed this year and if I planned to buy her something for Christmas she preferred the money be used for charity. It was a group email she sent to all of her friends and family. My first response back to her was "So does this mean you aren't getting me a gift this Christmas??" She laughed and said she was making gifts, which she does every year. I know this wasn't her intention but now I feel like the a-hole that wants gifts. I love Christmas and my favorite part is getting gifts for my friends and family. Gifts don't have to be extravagant, for me truly its the thought. I've also made this into a competition with the pilot. He of course doesn't see it as a competition but my goal is to win. He does so many wonderful things throughout the year, I at least have this one chance to out do him and get him the perfect gift. The other fun part is when you have kids, the excitement they feel for the holiday is contagious. Of course I do want to teach my son to be generous, I will make sure to do something where he sees that we can help others this season. My parents are going out of town and decided not to buy any gifts. I'm totally fine with that if it makes them happy.  It is very easy to be stressed about the holidays, what gifts you are going to buy, are you charging all this on credit cards, are you trying not to hurt feelings if you can't buy any gifts. My thought is don't go into debt for the holiday, if you can't afford gifts, take pictures of your family and send those out with maybe a update letter of what is going on in your life. If they are truly your friends and family they will understand.

Wanting to Quit

I feel like maybe I should just keep driving and not take the exit of change. Its been 4 weeks and I'm back at only a 5 pound weight loss. I've exercised at least 5 times a week and continue to follow the Eat to Live plan. Now the challenge is to continue. Its strange its not like I have any particular cravings,  I think I just need variety. Breakfast is easy, but the focus is on so many vegetables that I've started to want something different. I tried to inspire myself the other day by taking a picture of me with my bikini on. I'm hoping in another 4 weeks I can take another picture and actually be able to see a change. Its difficult when I see myself every day and I can't tell if my body has changed or not. It probably doesn't help that the pilot's schedule has really sucked the last couple of months.
My friend pointed out today that its kind of like a honeymoon when he is home, then when he leaves it feels lonely. I suppose my comfort before may have been food or an evening drink.  However those things don't really make me feel better anymore. The easy thing for me now would be to quit, go to a drive thru get my buffalo chicken sandwich, fries, and strawberry shake. But this time I'm not going down that path. I'm tired of quitting, I'm tired of being disappointed in myself for not trying a little harder.  Several years ago when I worked with a personal trainer she would let me have one free day. A day where I didn't worry about calories or the nutrition of what I was eating. I may go back to that after the 6 weeks is done. I think the true challenge for me is to figure out what my balance is going to be. What depressed me the most about this book is according to Dr. Fuhrman (the author), I should weigh 111 lbs for my height. Which means I weigh 30 lbs too much!  We are going out of town in a couple weeks, thank goodness. I need to focus on something else, on somebody else, on anything else.

Being Happy and Thankful

This was a couple years ago in our front yard. D-boy loves when the pilot rakes up the leaves so he can run in them. This year we watched our new puppy go crazy running around through the leaves. We have 3 huge trees and the leaves are insane every year. I could easily gripe and moan about helping with this chore, but instead I get to watch my sweet boy run through the leaves with a huge smile on his face.
My friend and I talked about being happy tonight. We both know people who have that sense of entitlement and that their life is so unfair. Its not that I think their aren't those out there who have it rough, I just believe that we have it within ourselves to be happy. Happiness is a choice, just like being angry is a choice. I have my grumpy days and trust me I've been frustrated and upset. But I have more reasons to be grateful for the life I have with my family. When the pilot was sick, I was even more thankful for every day and every moment he was here. I think now that he is healthy I need to have that same outlook. I don't ever want to forget the wonderful gift of life my best friend gave him. She told me that she was not just doing it for him but for our family. Their will never be enough words or love that I can show her to let her know just how thankful I am. She saved my pilot's life. So this Thanksgiving, I will remember to be thankful for this life and for each day I get to spend with my amazing family.

The Note

First a translation of my son's note: mom and dad I stole ate patrick's cookie at lunch. I will bring a piece of candy tomorrow. (Of course I did save this note because I thought it was cute)
However, I was disappointed that day because my son had taken something away from his friend. Especially since his teacher told me he had shown such compassion to Patrick earlier in the month. We had a little talk at home and I asked him what if somebody took your cookie without asking, how would you feel? I also said that before he does something he should think would I want somebody to treat me this way. I think as adults this basic idea goes a long way. I treat others the way I want to be treated. Do I want to be flipped off by a driver because I didn't put my foot on the pedal fast enough when the light turned green? Nope.  I know their are rude people everywhere but I find when I don't return that negativity, I'm treated differently. Its hard for them to be rude when they've got some sweet, cute, curly haired, crazy woman smiling at them. And this doesn't just apply to strangers, what about our family and our friends?
The holidays I know can be stressful, but just remember how do you want to be treated? I want to be treated with love and respect, so my plan is to treat my family and friends with love and respect.

Food For Thought

How many fruits and vegetables do you eat on a daily basis? Before I started Eat to Live I could honestly say maybe one fruit and does lettuce count if it's on a burger? Usually when you tell someone you are no longer eating meat the first thing they say is, but what about protein? Now I have an answer broccoli has twice as much protein as steak. The other thing I've learned is most diets fail because they involve limiting our food and our minds think we are starving. This plan changes the way you eat dramatically for 6 weeks, but I think its to get our minds to figure out we are eating badly. I'm never hungry and I eat a lot of food. For example today I had a strawberry-banana smoothie with soy vanilla milk, piece of toast with cashew butter, and a chai tea latte. Lunch will be a huge salad with avocado, beans, carrots, broccoli, red pepper, and salsa for my dressing with an apple. For dinner I will probably make a fake chicken sandwich with my rice cheeze and a side of steamed broccoli and carrots. Before I started I received a phone call from my doctor saying my cholesterol is high and I needed to make a change in my diet and exercise. In 3 months I will get tested again and I really want to see what this has done to my cholesterol numbers.
Thanksgiving, I plan on making Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, yams and pumpkin pies. But I will also have veggies and a fruit tray to munch on before dinner. I will have a small portion of each thing and then Friday I will be back to eating healthy. I think its ok to balance, but I think at some point the urge for those bad foods will go away. Or at least when I eat them my body will remind me that I don't need them anymore. I'm out of excuses for eating the way I did, it was time for me to make a change. And I can honestly say I feel great!

Talent

I have no talent. I am totally fine with this but I do wish that I did. When I was 8 years old my father sent me to piano lessons. I had lessons until I was 16, I was terrible. I begged my dad to please let me quit. He told me that one day I would tell him that I wished he would've made me keep playing. 21 years later and I still feel the same way, I'm glad he let me quit. I love to listen to others that can play an instrument. I'm hoping that D-boy has a talent, he has a guitar and loves to sing. We watch The Voice together every week, I think secretly I want him to be inspired. However I think this might've backfired on me. Last week he told us he wants to be a teacher which I thought was sweet and then he told me his reason. He wants to be a teacher for the hugs. Cute when a 5 year old says it but I'm thinking he should leave that off his resume at 25. Then this week he told me instead of being a teacher he wants to be on The Voice. I wasn't sure how to explain to him that being on The Voice is not a job. The list of what he wants to be when he grows up is getting longer. Rock Star, race car driver, professional soccer player, teacher, aspiring singer on The Voice. My hope for him is he finds something he loves to do and does that. I do feel bad though if he ends up playing the guitar, because I will ask him to play it every day and night :-)

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